He saw the leaves becoming yellow while waiting for her. He never understood how he became attracted to her is it because of her cuteness, or because of her innocence, or the way she talks but he was sure about one thing that he will search for the answer in his whole life. He slept under the flame tree dreaming about the moments when he met her. The one thing he never understood was that why he is waiting for her but he never understood that it was out of love. As he waited, the leaves of the flame tree became yellow and started to fall down while giving way for the flowers with the bright red colored petals with white and yellow colors in the center which was surrounded by green colored sepals. The sun was using all his powers to suck all the moisture from the earth as if he was a guy who hasn't drunk the water for years.
The paddy fields formed cracks which reminded him about the skin of the alligator and the cows were searching desperately for the green grass. The hot wind, blown the dust to his face together with the sere petals of the flame tree now became light brown and some of them still red. While watching the flowers on the tree he could see the birds, blue sky and the white sun through the branches covered with flowers. He cherished the moments when he saw her feet crushing the flowers of the flame tree as he turned his head hearing sound of the silver anklet. She never realized the presence of him while collecting the few flowers from the ground and then she jumped in vain to grab the branches which were near to the ground. With the scorching Sun on top of the head she started to sweat, as the sweat and they started glow in the sunlight making her face beautiful and brighter. He never closed his eyes for a moment and whenever he closed his after that she was there jumping for the flowers with her eyes concentrated on the flowers and revealing her calf which was light brown with the marks of the earlier injuries which may have formed in the earlier stages. She was light brown with combination of white which is typical among the Southern part of India. by the time she left he was in a transformation which he didn’t noticed, from there onwards his heart beats became fast , the nerves flinched, he could feel the blood rushing through his face, the vacuum and the fire inside his belly whenever he saw her or even when he heard her name. She was a stranger to him because all these years he never saw a girl before in his life and he never would be after wards. Imaginations were a wild horse for him, which ran uncontrollably and which gave him reasons to dream. But he never tried to speak to her, he never tried to speak to her not because of the reason that she was beautiful which she was, or she was unattainable but due to the reason that he was more prejudiced about the future which was due to the fact that his family owed a lot to her family in the sense of his own families existence. For his parents her family was a banyan tree which provided some shade when the sun of poverty was high. She was a thin girl with good height, and the smile on her face made him crazier even though he watched her from far away, far away from her eyes and thoughts. His face and thoughts became darker as she returned back to her home which was miles away after the vacation which left him with her smiling face.
Afterwards when she left the village, he became so addicted to her that he kept on dreaming about her dreams about holding her hands and walking through the paddy fields where the white egrets and dark colored herons waited in silence to catch the fishes, dreams about kissing her under the blue sky, looking into her eyes while lying on the green grass, dreams about talking to her about how much he loved her how much he wanted to make her as a partner, dreams about having kids but at the end of all dreams he would wake up how or when he is going to tell her that he Loves her more than anything in the world and by the time he told her, she was on the verge of starting a new life.
Seasons changed as if they want to go somewhere, the ripened mangoes started to fall together with the rain drops which filled the dried ponds, paddy fields and he sometimes stood there in the rain thinking about the girl, who was the main color of his dreams. After the rain the seeds started to germinate giving the greenish color to the earth. He wrote her name with the teak buds which became red when crushed, on the woods, on the tender leaves, under the rocks and in his heart harder, than he did anywhere else. Even after few years whenever he would see the rain pouring down he would get drenched in the memories of her
He never realized why he loved her but by the time she realizes this fact she would be preparing mentally to kiss another man.
The world was revolving around him but he was standing still waiting for her. Then when the vacations returned again with the anger of the sun he saw the red frock which was brighter than the hibiscus flower. The moment he saw the red smock along with a man and woman his heart pumped so fast, for a moment he felt it’s going to come out of its rib cage ripping apart his chest. He felt the same fire in his belly that he would feel even after the 11 years. But suddenly realizing something he ran back to his home as if he was a calf which was separated from its herd. He felt so sad about the foolishness about he did, why did I run away? He asked to himself, why didn’t I stand there? When I am going to see her again? Did she see me? All sort of questions, he searched for the answers but all of them remained unanswerable. But the answer was that she didn't see him and she would not find him for the coming 11 years even though he was all around her, but away from her thoughts and eyes. From there onwards whenever he saw a red frock among the mob he scrutinized it to see whether it is she or not, his life became more miserable as he waited for her among the leafless rubber trees, in the mud road, on the side of pond, he even figured out the time she comes out of the house and made schedule to go to the town so that he can see her when he get passes her house. But most of the time his efforts had the same fate of the seeds germinated under the raging sun.
From the time he realized he loves her stopped going to her house except in some unavoidable occasions which he doesn’t understood whether it was out of love or the difficulties he felt to hide his love for her. But all of the efforts would come to a dead end when he would saw his less attractive face in the mirror which forced him to stay in the room among the books which was full from the smell of old books which even after 11 years he would finds very attractive and refreshing.
Every night he lay down on the pandanus mat watching through the windows the moon which looked like a cracked plate due to the branches of the leafless rubber trees. He could see the electric bulbs shining through the window and he thought, it may take at least 10 bronze lantern which used the kerosene as fuel and a cotton cloth which was twisted to form a wick which was then squeezed through the whole on the top of the lantern when lightened it produced an yellow light with slight red color. He read romantic novels, poems and he even had scribbled down some lines at the peak of his passion for her. He was so much obsessed with her that whenever he tried to drew a picture it took the shape color height, nails, the hairs on her hand, the eyes , face her slender legs it was she everywhere in the pictures, she was there in his dreams, she was everywhere where, were ever he looked. He laid down on the mat which was made from dried pandanus plant leafs which was became very thin and each day he could a find a new hole due to the continuous struggle with the floor which was plastered with the mixture of the cow dung and the charcoal made out of the outer hard skin of coconut. There he laid down listening to the music of the rain, watching her in his dreams, he could feel the presence of her in the room but the dreams where shattered when the rain drops succeeded in finding the week spots of the clay tile roof, created by the flying broken branches from the rubber trees. As the rain drops dripped down through the holes making it harder for him to sleep, but it was his stirred and disturbed heart contributed to the sleepless nights more than the rain.
26/05
The time was flying and it brought changes in his body in the form of hairs, height, power, emotions and feelings which were new and fascinating but his heart remained the same locked on to her. She too had the same growth but there was difference as she grew her heart also grew with her without knowing that there was a heart which beats for her out in the open. But after so many years when he would say to her that, "he loved her without even seeing her face all these years", only to lose the war between hearts. Truth was a hard, sad, naked and all the above it was unavoidable, over the years he realized that ultimate outcome of love was frustration and which was the greatest truth he realized in his life and these repercussions made his life hard and his heart tough, which she described as a soft heart in those days, when he used to talk to her when the imaginations and dreams had a brighter color.
Monsoon was showing all its brunt, like a stage performer with the wind, rain, lightning, the rubber trees were dancing like an oracle(velichapadu) but without prophecies, the sky was getting dark without giving a chance for the sun to prove his existence, whenever he tried or wanted to proclaim his love there was clouds of family, prejudice, customs and traditions which was used to discriminate human beings, he thought may be it was due to the inability of the human race in differentiating the man kind on the basis of the smell of the urine, like the animals did, and that discrimination was pathetic and it stained the walls of mankind over the centuries until it became embedded on the walls of the heart of the unborn babies. It was so deep, so massive, deep rooted, so in order to remove the stain, it demanded the wiping out of the entire human race so no one dared and no one would until the last human perishes from the face of the earth. People never evaluated the virtues of the living man they were fascinated by the traits of the dead and the intangible discrimination which was useless and the only reference available was the human heart which was very dark even though the world was getting brighter.
The years became the remainder of the rotting past and the inception of the future. In the dawn when the sun was demulcent and golden, he stood watching the flowers, swaying butterflies in the wind, listening to the black Drongo which produced various sounds, listening to the crows, myna, rofous treepie and various other birds, whose names were unknown to him. He saw the morning dews holding on to the tip of the green grass and glittering in the sunlight, and the spider webs which was also covered with the morning dews and the spider that was guarding the precious pearls. When he would die at the age of 83 these memories were there in the flash backs, helped him to die with the smile on his face which was full of wrinkles and loose skins.
But the years erased his memories about her for a short period of time when he loved so many women and those affairs prompted the the young ladies to describe about how sinister he was in love. One of them cursed by saying with an impoverished heart: "You never realized how sincere was me to you but I realized how insincere was you to me” she couldn't spoke any more or when she spoke, but it was all sobbing that came out of her throat with the tears flowing from the eyes which forced its way to her chin and then t the earth. He never looked back, never tried to remember, never felt any sympathy or never regretted about the dark skinned girl, there was no answers for his questions that why he left the girl to stand alone among her sorrows. But he would find out the answer after 5 years that his heart was pledged to someone else, way back in the past.
30/05/11
As the days passed every thing became older ecxept the sweet memories about her. Memories never gets old they kept fresh and polished by the mind without any reason. even when he lost her in the memories just a simple spark was enough to remember her, eyes which were similar to her, hairs, nails, the smell of her hair, the voice, that was enough for him to remeber her.
01/06/11
26/05
The time was flying and it brought changes in his body in the form of hairs, height, power, emotions and feelings which were new and fascinating but his heart remained the same locked on to her. She too had the same growth but there was difference as she grew her heart also grew with her without knowing that there was a heart which beats for her out in the open. But after so many years when he would say to her that, "he loved her without even seeing her face all these years", only to lose the war between hearts. Truth was a hard, sad, naked and all the above it was unavoidable, over the years he realized that ultimate outcome of love was frustration and which was the greatest truth he realized in his life and these repercussions made his life hard and his heart tough, which she described as a soft heart in those days, when he used to talk to her when the imaginations and dreams had a brighter color.
Monsoon was showing all its brunt, like a stage performer with the wind, rain, lightning, the rubber trees were dancing like an oracle(velichapadu) but without prophecies, the sky was getting dark without giving a chance for the sun to prove his existence, whenever he tried or wanted to proclaim his love there was clouds of family, prejudice, customs and traditions which was used to discriminate human beings, he thought may be it was due to the inability of the human race in differentiating the man kind on the basis of the smell of the urine, like the animals did, and that discrimination was pathetic and it stained the walls of mankind over the centuries until it became embedded on the walls of the heart of the unborn babies. It was so deep, so massive, deep rooted, so in order to remove the stain, it demanded the wiping out of the entire human race so no one dared and no one would until the last human perishes from the face of the earth. People never evaluated the virtues of the living man they were fascinated by the traits of the dead and the intangible discrimination which was useless and the only reference available was the human heart which was very dark even though the world was getting brighter.
The years became the remainder of the rotting past and the inception of the future. In the dawn when the sun was demulcent and golden, he stood watching the flowers, swaying butterflies in the wind, listening to the black Drongo which produced various sounds, listening to the crows, myna, rofous treepie and various other birds, whose names were unknown to him. He saw the morning dews holding on to the tip of the green grass and glittering in the sunlight, and the spider webs which was also covered with the morning dews and the spider that was guarding the precious pearls. When he would die at the age of 83 these memories were there in the flash backs, helped him to die with the smile on his face which was full of wrinkles and loose skins.
But the years erased his memories about her for a short period of time when he loved so many women and those affairs prompted the the young ladies to describe about how sinister he was in love. One of them cursed by saying with an impoverished heart: "You never realized how sincere was me to you but I realized how insincere was you to me” she couldn't spoke any more or when she spoke, but it was all sobbing that came out of her throat with the tears flowing from the eyes which forced its way to her chin and then t the earth. He never looked back, never tried to remember, never felt any sympathy or never regretted about the dark skinned girl, there was no answers for his questions that why he left the girl to stand alone among her sorrows. But he would find out the answer after 5 years that his heart was pledged to someone else, way back in the past.
30/05/11
As the days passed every thing became older ecxept the sweet memories about her. Memories never gets old they kept fresh and polished by the mind without any reason. even when he lost her in the memories just a simple spark was enough to remember her, eyes which were similar to her, hairs, nails, the smell of her hair, the voice, that was enough for him to remeber her.
01/06/11
But she never wanted his love, she never realized it, she never tried to asses the depth of the ocean that he had in his heart and she never will. When he opened his heart in front of her she just ignored it with the blink of an eye, left him speechless. The time shapes the human heart , like a wind which shapes the sand dunes, it never leaves the human heart in one shape. She moved away like a leaf floating in the waves, which can't change its course of direction. She never came back, he never tried to stop her, he never looked back knowing the fact that the fallen leaves never goes back to the tree.After a long 20 years when he was laying on the bed with sweat, gasping for the air with the hands and face of his wife on his chest, he looked through the window where he saw the flame tree still waiting for some one with all her hair combed and decorated with red flowers. He was thinking, when she moved her hands towards his face , "no matter how hard you love some one, they cant love us back because of the large options which makes people confusing, and they cant love back because of the drastic change that brings to one's life and you cant give it, if some one doesn't wants it." She asked him what you are thinking my love? he answered with a smile" nothing" "I was thinking, Love makes people highly immature and its a good feeling too."
(THE END)
(THE END)
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